I was back in the emergency room. It had been about three weeks since I had started the erythromycin four times a day, and here I was in pain and vomiting. It was a little bit over a month until my check up with my G.I. specialist and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I know the ER is tired of seeing me and honestly I’m tired of seeing them. It’s hard to live like this. I have no idea the last time I worked a full schedule at work. To top it off I fell a week ago and broke my foot in three places because I’m so weak.
Psalms 5:3. In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;
In the morning, I plead my case to you and watch expectantly.
It’s now the end of May 2024 and my pain and nausea are intolerable. I don’t know if I can or even want to do this anymore. Yes, by this, I mean live. I was not willing to take my own life, though, God and I had already been there once. I just want the Lord to take me home. I had already asked my Primary Care if he would sign a DNR, do not resuscitate order for me, but he, my family, and best friend talked me out of it. I called and spoke to the nurse of my GI Specialist and they know that I have been back in the ER. When she returned my call it was to let me know that it was time to schedule surgery. Surgery was to place a feeding tube. We were now out of medication options the nurse said, and she told me that the GI Specialist said that the feeding tube was the best recourse at this time. I agreed to the surgery over the phone and the date was set for June 11, just about 2 weeks away. This gave the nurse, my Primary Care, and I just enough time to line out durable medical equipment, DME for short, home health, and other things that we thought were needed. I honestly didn’t know what was needed, even though I have worked in various capacities of the medical field for over 25 years. When you are assessing your own medical needs it looks different than others. I had helped both of my parents during times of sickness, but it is so different with my own medical care. I have to admit, I was scared about getting a feeding tube but they told me that it would ease my pain, nausea, and vomiting, so I really felt I had no choice at this point. I was down to 115 pounds from my beginning weight of 160, that is 45 pounds in less than 5 months. I looked like a skeleton. I was now only holding maybe 2 drinks of an Ensure down a day. It was only by God’s grace that I was still alive and I couldn’t think of a single reason why He was keeping me here.
June 11 came and my best friend drove and my daughter came along for support. I was so glad to have them both. I also had several people at my church praying for me. To a GI Specialist placing a feeding tube is not a major procedure, but anytime you put me to sleep or “twilight” me is a major procedure to me. The pre-op nurse kept talking about revising my feeding tube and finally I asked him did he have the correct paperwork because I didn’t have a tube to revise and he said “let me see your stomach” and I showed him. He had the right paperwork, but whoever had filled in the blanks, filled it in incorrectly. That didn’t make me comfortable. I asked the nurse when my doctor would be around to see me because I wanted to make sure he knew the procedure he was doing today. Hey, I don’t want a frontal lobotomy, if you’re supposed to be putting a feeding tube in or visa versa. The GI Specialist came around and explained that he had decided to put two tubes in because this would basically be easier for me. When the procedure was over I would have a tube that was coming out of my jejunum, or j-tube for short, which is basically the small intestine, and this is where my feed would run into. This would bypass my stomach completely, which is where my pain was at, hence hopefully preventing pain, nausea, and vomiting. The second tube would be a gastrostomy tube, this tube would be through the abdomen and into the stomach to vent air and drainage. The gastrostomy tube, or g-tube for short would hopefully help keep me from vomiting in the event that I feel the urge to. After all of this was explained, anesthesia came and explained their portion of the procedure. I quietly spoke with God again, kissed my daughter, hugged my best friend and they rolled me away to surgery. I truly thought I was ready for what was next. I had seen so many things in my various years of experience; I had even worked with patients with feeding tubes.
James 1:12 Blessed is the one who endures trials, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
