I know you are immediately wondering, what is the In between? When I looked this definition up in Oxford, it said “situated somewhere between two extremes or recognized categories”. I have never really been good at life in the in between. I love a plan. I love stability. All of my life I have felt in between, but the last few years have seemed even worse. I may be making plans but somehow they are not going my way. Well, do plans that we make really ever go our way?
Proverbs 19:21. Many plans are in a person’s heart, but the Lord’s decree will prevail.
I always felt this way, like I was from one extreme to the other, the in between. There are so many things that I wanted to do in life, but not one of them included Gastroparesis and a feeding tube. No one asks to take on cancer or diabetes or any other disease either. When I was a teenager and gave my life to God, I was actually around 12, I asked God then to use my life to Glorify Him only. I had no idea what that meant or what I was asking. I wanted so much to be a big house and perfect yard with the white picket fence type of family when I married. I always felt I was the in-between kid in my parents marriage when I was growing up. I remember hearing them argue, and my dad would say, “You won’t let me get to her. You always hide her behind your skirt“. I was the youngest of three in my parents’ marriage, and the only girl. My brothers were five and seven years older than me. My father let me know at a young age that I had been a mess up in birth control pills and a complete accident. He did not say that when my mom was around because my mom felt completely different about me even though that may have been what happened. My dad always made me feel like I was the in between. I was in my early 40s before I realized that God had created me for a purpose and placed me here on this earth for a purpose, and it had nothing to do with my Earthly father. Even if I had not been born, my parents would have spent most of their marriage in turmoil and arguing because one was trying to follow Jesus, and one was an alcoholic. Being unequally yoked, in any kind of relationship, will definitely put you in the in between.
I never managed the white picket fence, perfect yard, big house family type of marriage. If most people are honest with themselves, inside, those homes have the same problems as in rundown shacks. Not one of us can honestly say that we live without problems; that we are not in between. Daily we are in between some decision that we have to make.
With my Gastroparesis now, I am daily in pain. I daily have nausea. My in between are the days that I am not at the doctors office or in the emergency room. I go from one extreme to the other. I would love to say that I have a plan for my Gastroparesis, but I think now my life kind of revolves around my Gastroparesis. There is no real stability. God knows the plan, and He is in control. I didn’t asked to have Gastroparesis, and no one asks to be sick. I do, however, hope that God is still able to use this to the Glory of His Kingdom.
I never asked to be born into a home with parents who were so different and unsettled on how to follow the Lord. I watched my mom serve the Lord all of my life that I can remember, but she was not a perfect woman. Just as I watched my dad serve the flesh through his alcoholism, but there were things that I learned through my dad’s life that I didn’t see in my mom’s. Unfortunately, I didn’t see most of my dad’s goodness until many years after he had passed away. What I do know is that my mom witnessing the Lord’s goodness to my dad daily showed him what he needed, and just before he passed away from cancer he gave his life to the Lord. Although to me, they were always in the in between, the Lord always had plans for them. What I feel as far as the in between right now, the Lord knows what is going on every second of my day and knows exactly what he has planned for me. I never asked for any of the things that happened to me, but God knew they were going to happen. Our God is an all seeing an all knowing God. Nothing happens without His approval. What should we choose to do with our time in the in between? That is when we take time to praise and glorify the Lord and then He will be shown through us.
Jeremiah 29:11. For I know the plans I have for you”- this is the Lord’s declaration- “ plans for your well-being, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
1 Corinthians 7: 14-16. For the unbelieving husband is made holy by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy by the husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him leave. A brother or a sister is not bound in such cases. God has called you to live in peace. Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband. Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.
